How it all played out....

I can't believe it! Jefferson is 2 months old... TODAY! I FINALLY finished (after quite a few attempts) his birth story. Just a warning. I use caps lock WAY TOO MUCH (as well as parentheses) during this post. Life is crazy and I haven't gotten a full nights rest in half a year. So please forgive the grammar, spelling and anything else I've botched!

11 months ago when I found out I was pregnant I decided to switch doctors. I had lost confidence in my old OB/GYN's office after they had given me NO HOPE (2 miscarriages later) that I would ever successfully stay pregnant. So I went to a highly favored OB/GYN here in town. I had heard dozens of wonderful stories about this office and felt like this was a good switch. Long story short (because this post is going to be long enough), I went home sobbing! Hard to believe... ME, sobbing, I know! It was AWFUL. The office staff, the nurse, the smells... EVERYTHING. They had treated me SO AWFUL. Completely discouraged (and terrified that I would miscarry again) I was pretty much catatonic that night. Zach was a little worried, to say the least.

I woke up the next morning and had the impression that I should call my good friend Janet who had just had a baby 4 months earlier... AT HOME... WITH A MIDWIFE (can you see where this is going???). I asked her about her experience (most of which I already read on her VERY detailed blog... she's a Blog Star), and then she encouraged me to look at her midwifes website. Read some of the midwives bio's. Find one that I liked and set up a meet and greet.

I immediately logged on to Well Rounded Momma and started researching EVERYTHING and EVERYONE all at once. I felt like I was a ticking time bomb and needed to take care of my recently implanted embryo A.S.A.P (I'm dramatic... I know). I knew within seconds of reading April's bio that SHE was the one I wanted to "interview". I called and left a message at 2 pm. At 5:30 she called me back. I explained my situation: 1. low progesterone = miscarriage if I don't get properly medicated and taken care of soon after pregnancy confirmation, 2. I had switched OB/GYN's and felt like I was floating in no-mans-land and had no one to confide in, trust or answer my bazillion questions, 3. I was an emotional wreck! What a gem she was!!! First, She called the lab that had my blood work from the appointment I had had the previous day at the doctors office. After getting the results, she was able to reassure me that my progesterone levels looked good (talk about peace of mind), and then I made an appointment to see her the following day and hung up relieved/happy/hopeful.

The next day at my appointment I asked April EVERY (and I mean EVERY) question possible about her background, her experiences, home birth, etc. Probably the same questions that many of you are thinking RIGHT NOW. I left with a documentary The Business Of Being Born (which you can stream from netflix if you're interested) and the most peaceful feeling that I have ever experienced in any of my first trimesters. Usually when I find out I'm pregnant I FREAK OUT about EVERYTHING (my family can attest to that). If Zach drives over a speed bump too fast. If I drink caffeine. If I'm sleeping on the right side. If I'm getting too much sun. Not enough sun. Am I eating enough of the right foods. Did I just sneeze too hard. And these were my normal pregnancy thoughts BEFORE the miscarriages. So you can only imagine my heightened sense of fear this time!

My calmness was even noticeably different to Zach. He didn't know how I could go from comatose and crazed on Monday night to happy la-la-la lady Wednesday night. I was seriously delirious. It just felt good to know that I had another option. To know that I didn't have to go back to either doctor's office. To know that I didn't necessarily have to find a new OB/GYN doctor! But there were still matters to discuss.

So later that night Zach and I talked about our options. There were only two at this point.

A. Home birth with April.
Or
B. Find a new doctor and hope that things will be different.

I was still a little nervous about making the jump to home birth. I was SOOOOOOOOOOO bummed to find out that we didn't have birthing centers in Las Vegas (which would be an in between option). I will admit at first, Zach was a little confused. He could understand my frustration with the doctor situation, but he didn't think that Lincoln, Reagan, or McKinley's births had been that bad or traumatic. And to be honest... they weren't. All three were pretty much: Check in at 11am. Have a baby by 6pm. Easy. Done. End of story. EXCEPT that after Lincoln, I started having thoughts of.... wait for it.... NATURAL CHILDBIRTH (this is where you either scream or say UGH). Not natural = home birth, just natural meaning... no epidural. It was just an impression that came over me. I kinda feel like I cheated. I was an athlete (in my younger years) and went through some pretty tough training. So I always wondered "How bad could it be?", I felt like... why not try it? Well, when I was in labor with Reagan and they broke my water, (which meant I could actually FEEL the contractions I was having) I asked the anesthesiologist how many women "go natural" on any given day. He said "None by choice. And it's not like you'll get a medal or certificate for it". He made me feel a little sheepish for even asking so I rolled over and got the drugs quickly injected into my back.

By the time McKinley came around, I had actually done SOME homework, and had read some hypnobirthing and natural child-birthing books and felt like I had a few tools to give it a go. But when I got to the hospital, it was the same old story. I realized (too late) that having the proper support people and being certain of what you wanted (A SOUND BIRTH PLAN), was essential to carry out a natural birth. I was always amazed how the nurses would treat me like I didn't know what was happening. How they wouldn't really listen to what I was saying even though it was MY body and MY baby moving around inside of it.

So as you can see, I was already a little annoyed with the "system" and so home birth wasn't such a foreign or crazy idea to me. It seemed like a possible option to save me the stress of silly nurses telling me what to do so that I could have a baby one THEIR schedule and time table. A week after meeting April I finally got around to watching The Business of Being Born. It had tons of stats and facts that were very interesting and enlightening to me, and many ideas that coincided with thoughts I had had after McKinley was born (too many great things for me to get on my soap box about... so I suggest watching it. It isn't a pro-home birth video either. It's more like a "know your options and listen to your instincts" video).

Zach and I thought A LOT about it. I asked him if he would be okay with it. And just like most things in life Zach said if I wanted to go for it, he would support me. I asked him if he could handle the possible backlash and criticism from doing something kinda off the wall. Again, he couldn't have cared less. So I called April and set up my first REAL appointment. After we made the official decision to go with a home birth I told Zach that I didn't want to go public with this info. He LAUGHED, and said "Ok". It's not very hard for him to keep secrets... he's not a blabber mouth. He does know hard it is for me to keep a secret... especially one like this, and for 9 months! He was the one who thought that I could never hold out finding out the sex of our kids. He always thought I would cave at the ultrasound, but I never did. However, THIS was different. I had never HAD a baby at home. I didn't know exactly what to expect. The last thing I wanted or needed was other people being negative or nervous for me. I didn't want to have to defend my decision EVERY step of the way. I knew the SECOND we had finalized our plans to have April as my midwife and to have the baby at home that we had made the best decision for this pregnancy and baby. I had a COMPLETELY PEACEFUL feeling wash over me. Well, I felt the same way about not telling anyone. It may seem weird, but I knew it was how I had to deal with this new situation. I knew that it was what my mind needed to stay clear and focused, and for me to stay strong. I had talked to a few friends who were "home birthers" and when I told them my choice to not tell everyone, they had agreed that that was a good thing. They had all experienced the chaos of friends and families trying to convince them NOT to do it, and many of them wished they had made the same decision I had.

Moving on...

From that point forward my pregnancy went great! Sure I was sick (up-chucking) through 18 weeks. My feet got swollen. I had to drink way too much water than seems necessary. You know... the regular pregnancy junk. But I was happy to be experiencing it. I never lost sight of the miracle that was growing inside of me. At one point about 2 years ago, I thought we wouldn't be able to have any more kids. And who knows if we will be blessed to have more. So I tried to enjoy every good and nasty thing that went along with this pregnancy. One huge bonus about having April as my midwife was how amazing my appointments were. I show up at my designated time. Walked into her office that has a nice leather couch, big beautiful wooden desk, a huge bookshelf, and an examination chair tucked in the corner (I didn't even notice it until the 3rd or 4th visit). So for 30-40 minutes we would talk about how I was feeling. Go over concerns. I could bombard her with more questions about this new path I was taking, etc... It was always SO RELAXING. After the first 3 visits (when I wasn't puking all the time), I started bringing my kids (it was easier than finding a babysitter half the time and they liked hanging out with April too!). The kids would help measure my belly, find the heartbeat, and push the button on the blood pressure cuff. We would always rotate who did what, otherwise they'd get all hissy about it. There was a room that had toys to play with and couches to sit on if the kids felt like wandering around. It was so NOT stressful. People would often volunteer to watch the kids for me for my appointments, but I always told them it wasn't a big deal. NOW they understand why.

Once I had a migraine and needed to know what to take. I emailed her, and she called me back within 20 minutes. If I was ever concerned about ANYTHING that was happening I called her and she would call me back or email me instructions within a few hours (if not minutes). Another time around 34 weeks, I hadn't felt the baby move for over 18 hours. I had drank juice, moved around, laid down, eaten sugary foods, you name it... I did it. So I called April. She was out and about doing home visits (when she checks on Moms and babies 24 hours after they've given birth) and she happened to be 10 minutes away. She came over and did a quick heartbeat check. Theses were just a few instances where I was SO glad to have a midwife. I never worried about "bothering" her. She would always reassure me that that's what she was there for. Unlike doctor's offices, where you could leave a message one day and not hear back from them for two! When I'm pregnant, I'm neurotic about stuff, and it's nice to have answers quickly and to know that you're not seen as a idiot.

ANYWAY... on with the birth... On Thursday October 7th, I had my 38 week appointment. I asked my midwife, April, to "check me" to see how dilated I was. I had resisted the urge to be checked up until this point. I didn't want the false hope/fear that I was in labor. I wanted to just wait and see how things panned out. However, this particular week had been rough. I had started getting sick again at night. I could hardly roll out of bed because of my sciatic nerve issues. And I was past the point of being comfortable... at any time of the day. So like I said... I caved. And sure enough... I was a 4. Now mind you, Jefferson had been head down since 31 weeks. She was amazed that I was still pregnant. I was having "contractions" but they weren't regular enough to worry about immediate labor. But they had obviously been doing something, because I was a 4. She said she could come over first thing on Saturday morning and strip my membranes. If my body was ready for labor, I would probably have the baby by dinner. If I wasn't ready, then it wouldn't do anything and I would have to keep on waiting. I felt like it was worth a try... even though I had really been planning on NO INTERVENTION AT ALL. But it wasn't like she was breaking my water, right? So I went back and forth about it in my mind for 2 days about whether or not I really wanted to speed things up.

When she called on Saturday morning, I told her "why not." If I did go into labor, then Zach would for sure be there for it and not have to worry about work for at least a day and the kids would be home from school (they were super worried about missing the birth) and I wouldn't have to worry about sending someone to get them in time.

At 9:30 I was a 5 (so a little progression from Thursday's visit), but I wasn't in pain or having serious contractions. April took care of business and told me that she would be really surprised if I didn't have this baby by dinner time, but I wasn't going to hold my breath. I've heard promises like that before :)

I went grocery shopping. Stopped by my church for craft day. Ate lunch. My kids were playing at their cousins house, so I just hung around (mostly laying on the couch) until around 2pm. April called and asked if I was having contractions yet. I told her yes. But none that hurt or were that intense. I asked her how I would KNOW when they were strong enough, so that I should call her. She told me if I was having a contraction and I was annoyed that someone was talking to me during it. (I know... it's a little strange that I've had 3 kids and didn't know what to look out for. I'd never gone into labor naturally. I've always had my water broken which then allows me to feel my contractions... but they were always pitocin induced which are much stronger and different than "normal" contracts... I was told and can now confirm)

Well, I hadn't had any and she said she would check back in an hour. At 3 she called, and by then I had had a few stronger contractions but none that fit her qualifications (I wasn't getting annoyed in fact I felt like mopping the floor... by hand!). She decided to come over and check me anyway. So I met her back at my house at 4pm. When she checked me this time I was a 6! Hmmmmmmmmm.... what to do.... what to do.... I was getting closer.... she didn't want to leave in case the baby came fast... but she didn't want to stay and make me feel any pressure to have the baby just because she was there...

April ended up leaving and checking back in an hour later. With no known progress (as far as my contractions went)... everything seemed the same, she told me to go for a walk. So Zach picked up the kids from their cousin's house, and we decided to go for a ride around the neighborhood. (the kids rode, I walked). At 5:45 April called back. I told her that I felt a little pressure down there, but the baby was head down and I had been walking. It wasn't that different from the way that I felt anytime I was on my feet for more than a half an hour. She said she was going to just come hang out regardless. She didn't want to miss this baby!

By the time we walked home it was 6pm. The kids got some ice cream from the ice cream truck and were riding bikes while Zach and I were talking to April and Allyson (April's apprentice) in the front yard. I stood up to go inside and get some lasagna when I felt a little twinge in my pelvic area. I laughed it off because I assumed that I had just pulled something because I stood up too fast. 5 minutes later as I was talking to Allyson over a bowl of lasagna, I felt another twinge. Wow... was I really in labor? I laughed it off, but April must have known what was up because she decided to head upstairs and "get things ready" just in case it was sooner than later. I figured I had a few hours to spare, so Allyson and I chatted and finished our dinners and then went upstairs to check on things. At this point I was having the little twinges every 5 minutes or so.

(This picture was taken at the point when the contractions picked up a bit... Reagan decided to head downstairs. McKinley and Lincoln stuck it out. Don't worry, I was covered up WAY more than you ever are at a hospital. And for the few minutes I was pushing Lincoln and McKinley were by my side.)

By 6:20 I didn't consider them "twinges" anymore, and I laid on the bed with a heating pad on my belly for comfort. I decided I better text my friend Natalie (who was my doula) and tell her that she should think about heading over. I also texted my sister-in-law Whitney (who was going to be managing the kiddos during the whole deal) and told her that she should come over soon. Within 15 minutes they were both there... and it was a good thing. That's when things got interesting! I started having THOSE contractions. The kind where I would get mad (not annoyed :) if people were talking. But they everyone knew that b/c they would hardly breathe when I was having one. They were intense and getting super close together. Then at about 7:10 I got that feeling. The one I can now recognize as THE BABY IS COMING OUT. When I felt the first one I immediately went into denial. "I can't push the baby out now! I've only been in labor for like... 30 minutes. Maybe It's not really time. I'll just switch sides and maybe that feeling will go away." Well, the next contraction came and that feeling intensified but I held back. Yeah right. Like that worked. I knew what was going down (no pun intended), and I told April I think it was time to start pushing. She said "ok... whenever your ready". (Which is really funny to me. I could start whenever I felt like it? With my other kids they always told me WHEN and HOW LONG to push). Whenever I'm ready? I was FREAKING OUT. I haven't been "stretched" out, down there. I'm going to tear from one end to the other. It's going to hurt. It's going to hurt REALLY BAD. WHAT was I thinking? How can I do this. Why did I want a home birth? WHAT WAS I THINKING???? And then I figured there was no going back (duh). The only way to become "unpregnant" was to PUSH. So push I did. During the next 3 or 4 contractions I pushed and screamed and pushed and screamed. Then at 7:19 our cute baby Jefferson was born into this world. It was THE best feeling ever!


April put him right on my tummy and he was just perfect! He didn't scream. He didn't fuss. He was as mellow and a cello. He was here and healthy. Well, we didn't actually know it was a "He" yet, so April lifted up one of his legs and Lincoln made the announcement "It IS a boy!". He couldn't have been happier.

(*Side note: Exactly one hour earlier Allyson and I were talking about our name selection. She asked why I was really only considering boy names. I told her, that quite a few weeks ago Lincoln had proclaimed that "a" doctor had asked him if he was excited for his "baby brother" to get here. LINCOLN STILL SWEARS, to this day, that "they" said this. I assumed that either April, or the Ultrasound Tech, or April's back up doctor (someone I meet and knows me, just in case I have to transfer and go to the hospital) had told him. So for a few weeks I had honestly thought that Lincoln had let the cat out of the bag. Well, Allyson checked my chart and under BABY'S SEX it read UNDISCLOSED. So all of a sudden I had this renewed sense of excitement about having a baby because we really DIDN'T know if it was a boy or girl.... silly Lincoln!)

But that same silly boy came right over to see Jefferson (who "looked like a ghost" according to the kids) and give me a hug and said "Mom... I can't believe you've done that 4 times!". That was followed up quickly by McKinley who said "Mommy! You said babies come out of your tummy NOT your bum!". I had forgotten that 2 weeks earlier, when I was telling the kids that we were going to have the baby at home and HOW the baby comes out, that McKinley was taking a nap. I had thought about it a few days later, but also knew that there was a huge possibility that she would choose not to be in the room. So I thought we'd just cross that bridge when we got to it.

8 pounds 5 ounces, 21.5 inches long

Getting cleaned up


Lincoln putting on Jefferson's first diaper. Jefferson started squawking SLIGHTLY and McKinley thought he was TOO loud. Man, was she in for a surprise!

By 9:20, all the kids were in bed. Everyone else was gone. Zach and I were sitting in our room totally in awe at everything that had just happened. 4 hours ago we were outside riding bikes with the kids. It was amazing how so much could happen in such a little amount of time. It was surreal. When I asked myself that night if I would do it again, I thought... "Maybe". Two days later, my answer was "Yeah, I would". One week later I was singing "HECK YEAH!". It was AWESOME. When I think back to my ENTIRE EXPERIENCE... it was great! TRUE: Pushing for 9 minutes hurt. I don't know how long I could have handled that part. All I know is that I didn't have to. And if I am lucky enough to have more kids, and the circumstances are right, I would totally do it the same way all over again. I wish I had been able to have all of my kids this way. But truth be told... I think that my previous experiences (miscarriages and all) had prepared me to be open and to want this type of birth. I am in NO WAY saying that a hospital birth is not good or even great. In fact I feel so much more empowered after this experience that if I do have my next baby at a hospital, I know exactly what I do and don't want. And I know what I can and can't get away with in the "medical world". But for me, I knew there was something missing and I am so grateful for this experience. And no matter WHAT your birthing experience is, I hope it is something that you can walk away from happy, healthy and hopeful.

I feel like this birthing experience has truly changed me as a mother, wife, sister, and friend. It has changed me for the better. There are many more updates to come.... but right now my little Jefferson needs be fed...